He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I will be naked everywhere
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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