I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He passed out mid-signature
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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