Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
