YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
