And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
