end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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