Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
