I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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