So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
