They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
