remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
