I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
