dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
