ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
