I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
