i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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