I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
