she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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