Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
