Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
