I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
