Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
