dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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