remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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