I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
