I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
