Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
