you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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