He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
