How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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