I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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