In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
