that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
