did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
