i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
