After last night, I could never be a politician.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
