Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
