i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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