The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
