So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
