if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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