guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
