I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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