I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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