If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
