there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Randomize
