One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
