I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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