Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I would fuck him just for his dog
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
