Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
