So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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