we're chasing vodka with high fives
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
