I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
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