I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
there's paper in my vomit.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
