Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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