Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
