Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
