Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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