Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My penis needs a shock collar
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
