I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
