It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
