So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
