I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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