sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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