based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
