Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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